The Stereotypical Tuba Player
by Okami Yume
Summary: Experiences with fellow tuba players. This fanfic describes how male tuba players really suck. But don't take MY word for it, read for yourself...!
1. Default Chapter

The Stereotypical Tuba Player….  
  
(mind you, this mostly applies to MALE tuba players….)  
  
Knows how to hide alcohol in his tuba case  
  
Thinks the marching band berets are a fashion statement and wears them even when he's not supposed to  
  
Gets used to the constant sight of spit  
  
Loves to "accidentally" bump into the woodwinds with their sousaphones, otherwise known as "Flute Bowling" (the best game in the world)  
  
Finds trumpet players odd  
  
Hates the drum majors  
  
Knows what the range of a tuba is…  
  
Knows how many tuba players it takes to change a light bulb  
  
Is ALWAYS confused during band rehearsals  
  
Gets drool all over the place  
  
Doesn't envy trumpet players for obvious reasons  
  
Is old, angry, and has remarkably big cheeks  
  
Would fight over food during football games until a trumpet player sneaks in a takes it  
  
Disagrees with whatever the other low brass members say, no matter what they're talking about  
  
Has problems with flute players  
  
Is a conceited jerk  
  
Eats ice cream (for those who have read gina-chan's story on ice cream)  
  
Always screw up in marching band no matter what  
  
Forgets most of what the director says and does whatever he feels like doing  
  
  
  
~*feel free to add to this*~ 


	2. Added comments from other authors

Added by Tempered-Grief  
  
Can't seem to get SIMPLE RYTHMS!! I mean, here's the piccolo scaling up and down the keys, keeping time while simultaneously playing 32nd notes, and the tuba player screws up on *BOMP bomp BOMP bomp BOMP bomp BOMP*  
  
Sends everyone into fits of giggles with his/her realistic "tuba gas" noises.  
  
Gets angry when he finds foriegn objects in his case, I.E., socks, shoes, trash, freshmen... 


	3. The arrogant, "omnipotent" Tuba Player.....

Chapter 3  
  
The arrogant, "omnipotent" Tuba Player  
  
Added by Rikku:  
  
Sulks all through a pep band game because his clarinet girlfriend dumped him on New Year's Day due to the fact that he kept putting his hand down the back of her pants. (Ugh...ex-boyfriend) And claims to all the world that when the wind blows really hard he/she and his/her tuba can fly!  
  
Trust me, these come from experience.  
  
*chibi comment, all these prove that most MALE tuba players are really rude and menaces. FEMALE tuba players however, are bratty, but reasonable and "interesting". Here is another good example of MALE tubists *  
  
Added by Lily Rosier:  
  
One aspires to acquire as much power as they can, thus becomin a drum major and then SUCKING because they can't keep a simple 4/4 pattern and dance around ineffectively on the podium whilst the other two drum majors sigh and shake their heads, because THEY are woodwind players and THEY can keep time!  
  
(Noooooo, this never happened to ME. MY fellow tuba dm wasn't a HORRIDLY FREAKIN' RETARD WHO FAKED SICK EVERY DAY SO THAT I WOULD HAVE TO CLEAR THE FIELD! No! NEVER!!!! *Pant pant pant* *Ahem*)  
  
Signed, evrybody's favorite drum major, Christy  
  
*another chibi comment. Not ALL woodwinds can keep time ya know. A word of advice to directors out there, DON'T LET A MALE TUBIST BE A DM! Of course I am a tuba player, but I wouldn't dare be a drum major. That's not my thing. I CAN keep time! ;) 


	4. Them Crazy Tuba Players....MALES that is...

Tuba Antics  
  
*a little comment from me…heh heh…I AM A FEMALE TUBA PLAYER, AND NOT ALL TUBA PLAYERS ARE STUPID BECAUSE I AM ONE….ONLY THE MALE TUBISTS ARE STUPID!! Heh…now I feel better*  
  
By Rikku:  
  
Comes into your room at district band and spends ten minutes trying to open the window that is SEALED shut.  
  
AND goes on a drinking binge the day before competition and has a huge hangover that shows in front of the judges.  
  
This tuba player is my friend, but he still needs a little work on the personality scale. Hell, he was the ONLY tuba in our...I think it was eighth grade...band.  
  
1 By Snootyflute:  
  
in my class, tubas can also manage to not learn the chromatic scale when played as freakin' QUARTER notes with a quarter rest between each note by the fourth nine weeks, even when it's played multiple times daily; the smallest tuba is the best player; and 90% of them are tone deaf, therefore screwing up waaaaaaaaaay too often.  
  
Here are some more of mine:  
  
90% feel the constant need to trick, tease, or insult whoever is around them (at my school at least)  
  
the other 10% of Tuba Players are female  
  
Get drunk on International Tuba Day  
  
Find the stupidest things in the world hilarious  
  
*This goes for most Tubists* Love section wars!!! GO LOW BRASS!!  
  
Despise woodwinds…(I must admit, I sometimes get real annoyed with the woodwinds at our school….) 


End file.
